Embodied Boundaries
If you consume any content about healing or psychology, you know that boundaries are essential. You might understand, in theory, how important they are and even know the steps to set them.
But when it comes time to actually enforce a boundary, you may:
Find excuses not to do it ("Maybe it’s not a big deal this time.")
Say it once but never follow up ("I told them, so they should just respect it.")
Feel resentment toward someone for crossing a boundary you never communicated ("They should know better!")
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us intellectually understand boundaries but struggle when it comes to embodying them.
Why Understanding Boundaries Isn’t Enough
You can read about boundaries, listen to podcasts, or even take a workshop on them—but that knowledge alone doesn’t give you the emotional capacity to set and maintain them.
Because boundaries are an inherently emotional process, they require you to:
Face emotions you may have avoided by lacking boundaries
Shift focus inward instead of prioritizing everyone else’s needs
Sit with the discomfort of disappointing or upsetting someone
Examine deep-seated beliefs that tie your self-worth to how much you do for others
Confront fears of losing community and belonging when setting boundaries
This is why boundaries feel so hard. It’s not just about saying the words—it’s about facing the emotions that arise when you do.
Steps to Setting & Holding Boundaries
1. Identify Your Boundaries on an Embodied Level
Before you can set a boundary, you need to know what you need and recognize when a boundary has been crossed.
Pay attention to physical signs—a tight chest, stomach discomfort, or frustration may be signals.
Notice where you feel resentment or burnout—these are often areas where boundaries are needed.
Remember: No one else can tell you where your boundaries should be. Only you know what feels right for you.
2. Communicate Your Boundary Clearly & Repeatedly
A boundary isn’t just something you say once and expect others to follow. You need to:
Use both words and actions—if you say you need more space but continue overextending yourself, your actions send mixed signals.
Be direct and firm—avoid over-explaining or apologizing for your needs.
Expect pushback—especially if people are used to you not having boundaries. This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong!
Example: If a friend constantly calls late at night and you need rest, you might say:
➡️ "I go to bed early, so I won’t be answering calls after 9 PM. Let’s catch up during the day instead!"
If they continue calling, reinforce the boundary by not answering and following up the next day:
➡️ "I noticed you called late last night. Remember, I won’t be available after 9 PM. Let’s talk today instead!"
3. Manage the Emotional Fallout (The Hardest Part!)
This is where most people struggle—not with stating the boundary, but sticking to it when emotions arise.
You will feel discomfort. You might feel guilty, anxious, or afraid of disappointing others.
You have to hold the boundary anyway. Other people’s reactions are not your responsibility.
Regulate yourself so you don’t backtrack—practice deep breathing, journaling, or self-soothing techniques.
Trust that those who respect you will adjust. And those who don’t? That tells you something important about the relationship.
💡 Reminder: Choosing yourself over someone else’s comfort is not selfish. It’s self-respect.
4. "Hold the Pose" When Fear, Anxiety, or Sadness Arise
When you’ve spent years prioritizing others, setting boundaries can feel like you’re doing something wrong. But you’re not.
You are not responsible for other people’s emotions.
You do not have to explain or justify your needs.
You are allowed to take up space and honor yourself.
Think of it like holding a yoga pose—you may feel shaky, uncomfortable, and want to drop out of it, but the strength comes from staying with it.
Final Thought
Setting and holding boundaries is challenging but necessary. It’s not just about saying the words—it’s about standing firm in your emotions and values. You deserve to honor your needs, even when it’s hard.
Each time you set a boundary and stick with it, you reinforce a message to yourself: "My needs matter." And that is a powerful shift.
