How Mindfulness Helps to Shift Patterns in Your Life
We all get stuck in repeated patterns that can keep us stuck. It can feel like no matter how much we try to change our thoughts; we keep repeating the same patterns with work, our relationships, and how we treat ourselves.
We may intellectually know that we want to change careers or get a new job, but we are immobilized by indecision, so we stay where we are. We might feel like we are always doing more than our capacity and start resenting our boss for giving us too much work, and at the same time, keep saying Yes to extra projects and responsibilities.
You might feel like your partner, family member, or friend is dismissive of your experience, so you silence yourself and your experience when you are with them.
You may jump from one long-term relationship to the next or avoid relationships altogether. Either way, you find ways to blame the people you were in a relationship with for the relationship problems.
We have stories about how the world works and play them out in how we interpret and respond to relationships and situations. When we aren’t aware of our own emotional experiences and internal narratives, it can feel like we have no control over how our life plays out.
Turning inward allows us to reclaim our power by better understanding our contribution to our life patterns. When we know the root of the patterns, we can do something to change them.
It is easier to know the best way to address a situation when we are clear about what our experience and needs are in the situation.
Let’s say that you stay in a job you hate even though part of you wants to go for that creative career or explore starting your own business. If you stay at a completely intellectual level, it is easy for your mind to create a million excuses to stay where you are. Tap into your somatic and emotional experience, and you may find fear and anxiety around stepping outside societal expectations, financial worries, or losing the piece of your identity tied to your career. When you get clear about the root of the fear, you can find ways to manage your anxiety and take steps to feel more in control of how you move forward responsibly toward your career change.
You may avoid real intimacy in relationships and find any excuse to leave a relationship when things get real. Intellectually, you can find many reasons why that person was not good for you or identify their flaws. When you turn inward, you may realize that there is anxiety around someone really seeing you or overwhelmed about how to be intimate and open with others. This gives essential information about where your work is to grow and build healthier relationships.
I created this framework to help you understand the process of integrating mindfulness into work to change patterns in your life.
The practice:
Sit with your feelings. Get curious about what is happening internally. Use those experiences as messages about what you need.
Accept your emotional experience. Take accountability for your emotions. It is your responsibility to take steps to get your needs met. No one is coming to save you from your feelings.
Accept the reality of the situation or person you are in a relationship with. (You cannot force people to change, instantly dismantle patriarchy or white supremacy, or make your family understand you .)
Mindfully choose how to respond to the situation that honors your emotional experience/needs.
Release control of the results of your actions.
